Loved Her Hunter, Body and Soul
by paintedallup
Summary: Dean/Jo - Chapter 1 - Shiver, Chapter 2 - Death, Chapter 3 - Jealousy
1. Loved Her Hunter, Body and Soul

I'm nothing special, as most of my lovers like to point out right off the bat (Dean started that trend and I can't get it to stop), just a girl and nothing more then that.

A girl that likes knifes, the sharper the better, (each teacher of mine can confirm that) and guns that shoot those _son of a bitches_ dead, but most of all instead of forcing on the things girls my age should be.

Rather then wearing make up and chasing boys I'm focused on the need to kill the thing that took my father away those years ago.

(when I get my revenge, both bloody and _unavoidable_, it's head will be on a stick for all to see)

But for half a year I lost sight of everything when he came busting into my life (_the big damn hero_) and swept me off of my feet only to drop me a few months later, and it was a long fall.

(that fall broke the one thing in my body that was fresh and new, my _heart_)

-

Before I got that call, the one that would shock me back into the real world and take me away from the one I've know for a year (full of killing sons of bitches and tending bar, oh and hiding from Sam).

I knew something was wrong and not just the 'monster is coming' kind of wrong but the _'Dean's dead and buried'._

Moments after feeling this strange shiver, that over took both my body and mind (worse then my hate for both of Winchester boys), Ellen was telling me news that shocked me almost as much as the first time I found out my father was dead and it was anything but a good shock.

(_'blame it all on John Winchester, Jo, and don't you forget_ _that'_)

"Dean's dead, Jo, he died last night."

-

With just one word everything froze up, my heart (the one, now deceased, once crushed in his palm) felted like it would stop beating at any moment and the old and tattered thing would finally fall to pieces, and I did the very thing I said I would never do, I cried because of _Dean Winchester._

(but not because he had broken my heart all over again, this time it was so much different all I could do was cry and cry some more)

"Dean, you _son of a bitch_, how could you do this to me?"

To answer that, just like last time with a false promise to love me (and then I'm just like all the others) and to take a moment and call me rather then forget which by then he had already done.

But now he couldn't do either of those things, because he no longer had that change.

-

"Go away, Sam, get the _hell_ away from me right now."

My finger tips yearned to pull out the tip of the knife tucked nice and smug in my boot (and trust me it's not the only one), just in case this little rare interaction turned into the same thing as last time, which brought up nothing but _hate_.

(which was boiling red because he had gotten in a lot of hits the last time I saw him, instead of doing it internally like Dean he got me on the outside, and I hadn't had my turn yet)

"But Jo please-"

_Damn_ those puppy dog eyes, that have to be the undoing of all girls world wide and even demons can't handle it, all they do is remind me that everything (every hit and every wicked smile) hadn't been his fault at all.

But I needed someone to blame, someone to hate rather then hating the ones that already dead and gone.

"Fine, what the hell do you want? And make it fast I don't have all day."

"I'm burying Dean today and I want you to be there."

And with that those damn puppy-dog eyes looked right into me and all that I had left to do was say yes.

(if he had asked at the moment I would have followed him to hell and join Dean)

"Lead the way, little brother."

-

I should have asked why his bones weren't burning (joining his father in ash) but at that time all I could see was the cold and dead face of a man I had once loved body and soul.

But of course he won't get the chance to know that and how my heart is still raw from our last encounter.

It was just the three of us, Sam (the one who Dean truly loved above all others), Bobby, and me, which thing do you think doesn't belong in this picture?

If you guess me then you're right on target.

"Why me, out of all Dean's numerous girls, why did you choose me?"

This wasn't the time and place, when my feet were near the fresh soil that held him (him who I can't think of without my heart smashing to pieces) and our eyes locked on the cross that should say '_great son, brother, man, and hunter'_ but instead is empty.

"Because he loved you, he wouldn't say it, not to himself, not to me, and most of all not to you. But I know him and he loved you more then all of the rest. And I feel the exact same way, _Jo_."

The sad thing about all of this, besides being told _'I love you'_ by your once-upon-a-time attacker, is that love never came into my mind and if he had not said those words I believe it never would have.

(because love + Dean Winchester is full of false hope and _impossible_)

"I loved him, even if I knew that it would never go anywhere I still loved him more then I should."

Instead of pushing away the tears that had wanted to come since '_Dean's dead'_ and never stop, flowed freely, so much that I feared they would never stop.

"I l-loved him so _goddamn_ much!"

And before I could push him away (whip out the knife that he had used on me) he pulled me into the hug I had needed since the first man I loved turned to ashes (the way a daughter loves a father) and instead of pulling away I let him hold me.

And the whole time his arms were holding on to me I was turning that friendly (and still somewhat terrifying) face into Dean's and holding him even tighter.

(not wanting to let go of a dream that I've had over and over again but now know won't ever come true)

-


	2. Escaped Death's Harsh Hands

_Death_ is just something as a hunter you grow used to (like it's an uninvited guest that just won't get the hell out) because you know you can't escape it no matter how hard you try.

People will die and some of them will be the ones we care for and love far more then ourselves (for Dean and me it's all of the time).

(we each have a long list of dead and our own oceans of tears)

But when it was Sam's time to bite the dust (which without Dean he would have gone a lot sooner) he couldn't handle that and instead of moving on, like any other normal person would, he choose to trade his life for Sam's.

He did so not even knowing that he was hurting someone he had left in the dust years ago and I doubt in the last moments he even gave me a second thought.

That's what you get from the man you claim to _love_ (now you get to deny it until your blue in the face) two broken, and our stepped on, hearts from the same guy in one lifetime.

But I had no idea that he would get a third chance to break it all over again.

-

I should have left that day, when the tears couldn't be stopped (they came like rain drops but I wasn't alone) but some reason I stayed with the _Winchester_ I had sworn to hate.

(the moment he made me feel weak, but trust me after that day I will never be again)

"Would you like to stay with me?"

In his swollen eyes I didn't see the monster the world wanted him to be but someone that needed me (after all Dean wasn't here to do so) and so I only had one answer to give.

"Sure, it's not like I have any where else to be (besides killing _those sons of a bitches_), but two beds, no hitting on me, and I drive, got it?"

"_Got it_."

And with that a weak excuse for a smile and those _damn_ puppy dog eyes of his kept me there for months and months (each filled with protecting the little brother).

And I had a feeling that if it had been any longer (before that one fateful night) I would have found _Dean_ in his features once again and found him in his lips.

(and it would have been down hill from there, besides who could break-up with someone that damn cute?)

-

But those long months (filled with road trips, pie that never ends, and of course the thrill of the _hunt_) came to a halt the moment the dead came knocking on our door.

(which had two beds but they were a lot closer then the start of this strange friendship)

"_Dean_?"

As they had their family reunion (filled with the hugs they had only shared once before) I watched from the shadows and it felt like I was intruding in their lives, like I didn't belong.

(which is now whole because god finally thought of the Winchesters)

Every single part of me wanted to run to him, put my arms around him like I had never gotten the chance to do, and kiss the lips that had said goodbye one too many times.

('_I'll call you' 'no you won't'_ still rings clear)

"Jo? Wow, what has it been, years?"

And then that silly of grin fell on his lips and he had me hooked and instead of hating the man that crushed my childish heart so long ago, I finally gave in and gave him that hug.

(and with the man, alive and kicking, I love before my eyes I couldn't see the little brother's eyes ablaze)

"Yeah, _years_."


	3. Two Hunters, One Jo

Just as I expected (just like the time when life was only a little bit messed up) my attention fell back on the brother who had been taken from us all and then given back.

Also the one that my mind said '_I love you_' to every time that smile made my knees weak but my lips, just like back then, were sealed tight.

Only opening to smile back at someone I've both hated and loved at different times of my life, before and after I became the hunter I am today.

The one he's starting to finally see, finally opening his _goddamn_ eyes, for it seems the first time in his whole life.

(seeing me in a brand new light, that is shiny and new)

"_Dammit_ Jo, how in the hell did you become such a great hunter?"

"Practicing how not to die, it was piece of cake."

-

The whole '_practicing_' thing happened after Dean left that night (leaving my heart in pieces and without calling like I knew he would) and I needed a protective cover on both my insides and outsides, meaning I bulked up and learned how to kick some _ass_.

(which means it's about time that demon number one on my kill list needs to die, and then it's head on a stick time)

And also the four months (that was filled with killing and mourning the dead) spent with Sam helped me become just as good as him, who had other powers on his side as well, but it also got rid of the hate I felt for him.

I have a feeling that it melted away the moment he turned those _damn_ puppy dog eyes on me (and that _to die for_ smile just helped it along).

('_Would you like to stay with me?'_ even then I knew it was wrong to say yes but still I did just that)

But this time around (which I pray for a whole heart rather then a shattered one) I made myself a promise that I would still be there for him rather then letting my love for the other get in the way, and the reason behind all of this was that look in his eyes when he saw love in mine.

Which was for big brother instead of him (it has always been there from the very start) and I had no idea how much that hurt him.

(rather then hiding it he let the _jealousy_ burn into our backs)

"Hey there stranger (and those eyes that follow my every move), how are you?"

My lips might go up to heaven and back for Dean (never falling when he's around, which these days is _always_) but I stored one just for him, the soft, childish kind of smile that is for your best friend alone.

"Do you still love him? Even after he broke your heart, do you forgive him, _Jo_?"

From day one, when those eyes turned one me and I become number one in his book (and shaking that is hard stuff), I knew that this would happen but instead of saying no I just let it.

Because back then I believed the man I loved was six feet under (suffering in his own personal hell, which still shines in his eyes today) and just like him back then I needed someone to replace him and sadly he was the only thing I could find.

(the only one that cared just as much as I did, cared for the broken people just like us, cared for the poor souls that loved broken men)

"Yes, I love him, Sam, I've always loved him since the first day (when fist and face met, made to fit each other), I won't lie to you. I can see how you feel but until I know for certain that he doesn't care for me I can't give you those feelings back."

(even if the those damn eyes are staring me down, Dean is the first love and you can't just undo that)

"You have no idea how I feel, Jo, not a _damn_ clue!"

-

He was so right, right about it all (down to the love that I fear will never be given back), I didn't know a thing about the feelings that had grown over those four months, which we're filled with taking away the pain.

(those feelings that back then I believed I felt the same until the dead came knocking on the _door_ and my _heart_)

"Is Sammy okay, Jo? What the hell is going on with you two?"

Just like with everything to do with Sam he could see something was up at day one (with those green eyes of his as the embrace came and went) plus it surprised him that we had become so close, but we had one reason to do so and that was _him_.

(and the cross that I went to visit too many times in those months, praying for a soul that was already lost)

"Dean I need to know something if I'm going to keep staying with you guys. I need to know if this just like last time or not? Can you love me as much as I love you?"

The brick lining my heart (that worked so hard to fill up all the cracks last time) got ready for another one, got ready for it to break into pieces yet again by the same hand.

But before that could happen all I saw was the smile, that yet again made me weak in the knees (something I really need to stop doing) become bigger then I had ever seen it and those lips I've wanted to kiss since day one finally did just that.

"Does that answer your question, _Ms. Harvelle_?"

"Hell yes, and it's about _damn_ time."


End file.
